Are you a “Yes, but” person?

People don’t like to feel dismissed. Did you know when you “Yes, but” a person, that person feels dismissed? When people feel dismissed they try to assert themselves which leads to a tense and frustrating interaction. One of the most powerful tools in language is acknowledgement. My research shows that simply acknowledging what the other…

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Negative Labels Trigger Anger

Labeling the other party negatively, such as starting a sentence with “You are” or “Don’t be” use a category of words and phrases that are most likely to trigger anger and frustration from the other party because it puts that person on the defensive. If you couple these phrases with highly negative emotional words such as “Unfair” or “Stupid”…

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“I” Statements Don’t Mitigate Feeling Inferior

Do you like to be told what to do? Most people don’t and that is why saying “You should” is a top emotional trigger phrase. Starting a sentence with “You need” implies that you are superior in your thinking to the other party, and the other party doesn’t appreciate feeling belittled. Many counselors suggest using…

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Words Matter in a Negotiation

Did you know that using the seemingly innocent phrase “This is a good deal” in a negotiation can actually kill your deal? In my research I have uncovered several words and phrases that act as negative emotional triggers, causing anger and frustration in the other party, often leading to no agreement. “This is a good…

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“With all due respect” tops the list of rude phrases

Are you really showing respect when you say “With all due respect?” That phrase topped the list of rude phrases and words. Why it is disrespectful? What invariable follows that phrase is a negative attack. It is rare when a positive statement is made following “With all due respect.” As a result, when this phrase…

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